The next, first step

   Wow, this is my first blog and I'm a little surprised at how easy it was to create. I'm also a little hesitant about what to write only because I don't know where I'm going with it right now. I guess it's only fitting that something simple at the onset would take some thought about the big picture, sounds kind of like having kids doesn't it.

   Although at first, the purpose behind a blog might sound like raising children in the respect that you create, nurture and watch it grow, you can't let it go at some point and watch it grow. There's no "your on your own kid, and you have to do your own laundry too." When I stop, it stops.

   A blog feels more like a place you go to write your most intimate and personal views on life, more like a journal, only for the whole world to read and judge.  It seems to me that most blogger are probably people with a unique prospective on life and are well crafted in the art of writing ,but for some strange reason can't find a real writing job, or are sick loners with unresolved issue desperately seeking approval from complete strangers to give credence to their pitiful existence.  I wonder if anyone has ever don a statistic on the percentage of blogger in therapy or on anti depressants.  I'm betting on a high percentage.

   I'm probably a little of all of the above, minus the anti depressants. but on the surface as far as I want to see it, I am intrigued with the next right step towards professional and personal growth.  I've been a stand up comic for the last twenty years and this year I've opened my own comedy club.  The success of my club is starting to put in a glaring light the possible end of my stand up carrier.  I've been at this cross road before and each time I ask my self what I can do to better myself, what bad habit can I give up that stands in my way.  What positive discipline can I create to continue my carrier as an artist, so that I don't have to go back to work in that damn bagel shop ever again.

   About twelve years ago I found my self at that familiar cross road and the thought came to me that the outside world is an inside job and if I wanted to change the outside I have to know what makes me tic. I started a journal and have been writing one religiously since then.  I find that my day just doesn't feel complete when I miss a rare day.  I've probably written over thirty large books filled with daily thoughts and gibberish.  I call it gibberish because sometimes it's just nonsensical writing, but I find at times in between the nothing, sometimes, something comes out.  In fact I'm sure behind all the nothing is really always something in disguise of nothing.

   The something behind the nothing that inspired me to start a blog was that, although I love writing in my journal and will continue to do so because it feels good and is a safe place, I feel it keeps me from growing because it's a safe place where no one can judge me on my opinion, call me on my shit and truly be accountable for my own opinions.

   A safe place for a comic is like championship wrestling, it's entertaining on the surface, but there's just nothing behind it.  Maybe I'm ready to risk a little more.  It's either grow, or go back to making bagels.